Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
