Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
