I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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