Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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