oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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