He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
