I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
