She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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