Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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