Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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