Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
