I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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