You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
