I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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