Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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