he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
