So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
God, I missed his penis.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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