Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
