Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
