Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize