Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
