I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
