Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
