UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
