guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
