you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
