Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's the barista slut.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Randomize
