I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
