he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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