dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
