My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
