Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
