K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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