I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
