can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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