Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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