this beer tastes like vomit already
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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