I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
