you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
