Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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