we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
