Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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