oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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