Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
