giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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