dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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