Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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