Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
