I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can't trust your balls anymore.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
