I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
