i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
