bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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