Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
