Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
