so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The beer is more important than you right now.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Randomize
