Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
