Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
