I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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