Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
