Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
