God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
