try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize