You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
