I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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