He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
