She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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