this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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