well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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