Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
