What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
