I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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