have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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