I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
