how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
