I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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