Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
