the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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