somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
