woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
