I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They have beer where we have blood.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize