She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
